The McCain-Palin Strategy

I finally understand the McCain strategy in picking Sarah Palin for VP. It began with an e-mail I received from a friend.

"Who wants McCain; give me Palin.  She could warm every iceberg around. She is the solution to every  isolated boomer's dream. Just imagine being with her in bed....with her glasses on !! "

"You are sick", I wrote back.

"OK. Maybe not the glasses" he replied.

But suddenly I realized how McCain was going to try to win the election. By getting the vote of the horny white guy, the largest segment of the US population. They don't care about politics, or war, or poverty. They only care about their.... well you know. When Sarah Palin is on TV they are not listening to whether what she says makes any sense, just as if they met some bimbo in a bar they wouldn't. They just look at her breasts and her lips (and her glasses) and let their imagination do the rest. For these guys a President Palin State of the Union address is right up there on the must-see TV list with Baywatch. And there are a lot of these guys. I know some and I feel like I run in a pretty educated circle. In some parts of the country the horny white guys are the most powerful voting block, like North Carolina for example where they are so horny they elected Elizabeth Dole!

Unfortunately this is one of the problems with Democracy. The ancient Greeks did not allow women or slaves to vote. If Athenian women voted there would be no wars and men would have to come home early from the agora to mow the lawn and do the dishes, and if slaves voted they would set themselves free. In the United States flawed democracy even after African-Americans were given the right to vote, the state and local laws made it impossible for them to do so in the south. Even today the Republicans have methods of supressing the black vote through intimidating letters, broken machines at black precincts leading to long lines, election list purges of felons and people who have the same name or similar names as felons, or just sending the local college Republicans to mess up the machines after they have cast their vote like they did in Durham, NC.

Lets face it. How do the Republicans get elected? They don't represent most of ther people. They represent the rich and the corporations. A poor person or even a middle class person voting Republican is like an American Indian voting for George Armstrong Custer. Republicans are supposed to be against big government but when they leave office the government is always bigger than when they got in. They talk about cutting taxes but then the cost of everything else goes up and the country goes bankrupt. Ideology is nonsense if you don't practice what you preach and there are few true Republicans. Just a handful and then a huge number of people who call themselves Republicans and vote Republican but don't even know what a Republican is.

So how do Republicans keep getting elected?

Well to start with, they cheat. If an election is close they can steal it and have as we saw in Florida with Bush-Gore and Ohio with Bush-Kerry. But they can only do this if it is close. If its an obvious landslide they are likely to sit back and take their lumps and say they will get em next time as will hopefully happen next Tuesday. And maybe by the time there is a next time the party will be reclaimed by real Republicans and all the horny white guys will be too busy watching NASCAR to vote and all the Fundamentalist Christians will have been spirited away in the rapture.

But the way the Republicans are able to get anyone to vote for them is simple. They pay them. When George Bush and John McCain promise to cut taxes what do you think that was all about? That they care about the plight of the American people? No. Its because they can't get an army of volunteers to stand outside the polls handing out thousand dollar bills in exchange for votes nor could they afford to. First of all this was made illegal quite a few years ago when politicians would trade votes for drinks. So instead they say vote for me now and I will pay you later. The tax breaks are the payoff, and it does not come from the Republican party funds, it comes from the US Treasury. And how do they keep poor people from voting Democratic, even though that is the party that best represents the interests of the poor, as well as the middle-class? They say that if the Democrats are elected they will raise your taxes. Put simply the underlying Republican message is: We will pay you to vote for us and the Democrats will charge you to vote for them.

Of course then the Republicans get elected and do a lot of stupid stuff like start wars, cut funds for education and healthcare, alienate our friends by acting arrogant and tough, and helping their pals in big business squeeze every cent they can out of the American people, not to mention destroy the financial system and bring the world to the brink of the next depression. The money the Americans saved with their tax breaks is dwarfed by the massive debt that is going to be passed down to their children and grandchildren. So in effect the Republicans borrow from the generations that follow to pay for the mess they make of the world now. But they don't care because they will all be dead by then anyway.

So here is the McCain Blueprint to Victory. They bring out Sara Palin to bring in the horny white guy vote, and the horny white guys intimidate their wives and girlfriends into voting for McCain because if they vote for Obama then before you know it Al Qaeda will open a recruiting center in Augusta and their children will be forced to memorize the Koran. That pretty much takes care of the south and the central states. Tell the workers of Ohio and Pennsylvania that Obama will raise their taxes and hope they forget they won't have taxes because they don't have jobs anymore. Tell the retirees in Florida that Obama will cut their social security checks and hope they have forgotten that it was the Republicans that tried to hand Social Security over to Wall Street and where would their benefits be now if that had happened?

But even so they may fall a little short. So they have to keep African-Americans from voting too. This is something they have lots of experience with though I would not want to be a Republican messing with an African-American's right to vote during this election. Really McCain's only hope is to open the border of his home state of Arizona and allow tons of high grade marijuana, cocaine and heroin to flood the country between now and Tuesday and hope the youth are too stoned to get out and vote. But my political instincts tell me even this won't work. Not this time.